Storytelling Saturdays: Detective Parker

By Braheim Gibbs

“James are you in here,” Parker screamed to the top of her voice as soon as she walked in the front door.

“I’m in the kitchen, Parker, no need to scream that loud,” James said. He walked out of the kitchen with a baby in each hand. The baby in the blue onesie wailed, startled out of his slumber. The baby in the pink onesie looked at her brother and promptly joined in.

“Thanks a lot, Parker I just got them to sleep. I was trying to make it an easy night for you,” James sighed as he gave both babies to his sister-in-law. “We appreciate you coming over. We thought Sheila would be done with the conference and would be home in time for me to go to work.”

Parker cuddled both babies close and quieted their cries. “Not a problem. You know I’ll do anything for my sister and my Lil niece and nephew,” Parker giggled as she made funny faces at the twins.

The babies squealed in delight and pulled at Parker’s curly purple tipped braids.

“Besides I need a reason to skip this evening’s lecture,” Parker said. She swore under her breath and lowered her head once she realized whom she was talking to.

“I know I’m your Dean, but I don’t have the time to lecture you on the importance of going to all of your classes. James said as he bent over to kiss his baby girl. “Don’t grow up to be like your aunt, ok Chelsea?”

She looked at her dad with wide eyes and blew a spit bubble.

He then grabbed his son and hoisted him up in the air. “Take care of the woman, Ian. Daddy is counting on you.”

His son threw up all over James’ face and clothing.

Parker grabbed the baby as James did a mad dash to the bathroom.

“This is going to come out,” James said. He took his shirt off and tossed it in the hamper.

“Go ahead and change, I’ll clean Ian up.” She placed Ian and his sister on the black plushy ottoman in the middle of the black sectional facing James’s 75-inch television. She grabbed his baby bag, pulled out his wipes, and attempted to clean off his face.

“Stop grabbing and ripping the wipes superhuman baby,” Parker said while noticing that he had vomit on his onesie also. Her nose crinkled as a foul smell rose from his sister’s diaper. “Girlllll, you said you weren’t gonna get left out, huh? Guess it’s time to change both of yall.” She scooped up both babies and laid them in their play pins. “Don’t push nothing else nasty out until I get back.”

She gave them both quick kisses and then ran upstairs to get them both a change of clothes when she overheard James talking.

“Yes, baby I’m going to be late Ian threw up all over me while I was leaving. Don’t laugh it isn’t funny. Yes, some of it got in my mouth I almost forgot he was my son for a minute and dropped his little ass. He was lucky Parker grabbed him. No, she doesn’t expect a thing. She didn’t even ask any questions. Broke college students only care about one thing and that’s money. Okay, see you soon. I love you too.” James threw his phone on the bed and went into his master closet to pick out a throw-up free suit.

Parker tip-toed into his room and tried to look at his phone, but it was password protected. She placed the phone back and left out to get some more clothes out of the baby room. “I can’t believe the low down, cheating dog messing with another woman while my sister is out of town.”

She crept back to his room to see if she could learn more about his little rendezvous with his whore before returning to the babies. His phone was still on the bed, so she raced back downstairs,

“Parker?” James yelled as he came downstairs.

“We’re in the bathroom,” She yelled back.

James walked in, and she caught a strong whiff of the Versace Eros the cologne her sister bought for him because it’s her favorite.

“Where are you sneaking off to smelling like that?” Parker said trying her best to keep the venom out of her tone.

“I’m not sneaking anywhere. I have a very important meeting to get too.” James said as he checked his tie and shirt in the bathroom mirror.

“Love you both, Daddy will see you tonight,” James said as he kneeled and kissed both babies on the top of their heads.

“That doesn’t really answer my question,” Parker said as she picked up Chelsea and cut her eyes at him.

James shook his head. I’m not paying you to mind my business, young lady. I am paying you to watch my children.” He picked Ian up off the changing table and helped her carry them back to their playpen. Giving them both quick kisses he turned to face Parker. “You should catch up on your studies as soon as you get them back to sleep.”

Parker rolled her eyes, and James chuckled to himself.

He grabbed his satchel, walked out the front door, unlocked his silver bluish Audi, and drove off.

Parker stomped off towards the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass off the table. Bitting off the cork, she looked over at the twins who were sitting up looking at her, and sighed. She put the cork back in the bottle.

“Do you think we should follow him?”

Chelsea stuck her fist in her mouth and Ian kicked out his feet.

“Yea that would be foolish, we should just trust him right?”

“I mean, Ian, come on. I know your dad isn’t dumb enough to ruin his life and have me murder him for making my sister cry. Right?” Ian started crying as she suggested the last part. Parker ran over to him, picked him up, and started patting him on the back.

“No, no, no I’m not going murder him, maybe I’ll break both his kneecaps,” She said sweetly, smiling at her nephew. She put him down next to his sister and pulled out her iPhone. “I’m just going to track his phone and see where he’s at then aunty is going to take you both for a little ride.”

She then grabbed both of the babies’ diaper bags, strapped them in their car seats, and sped off burning rubber. Parker pulled up to the grocery store as James walked in.

There is nothing suspicious about going to the supermarket, Parker thought. “Maybe I am overreacting.”

James came right back out with a bouquet of roses and a bottle of wine.

“Who’s the flowers and wine for James?” Parker raged as she backed out of her parking spot following James on I-95 while staying two cars behind him.

“I feel like a real-life detective,” Parker said with a cold smirk on her face. She looked in the rearview mirror at the twins who were fast asleep. “Lost my sidekicks,” “Oh well, y’all sit back, aunty got this.”

The next stop Parker followed him to was a jewelry store. She parked a few rows directly behind the front door and pulled out her phone. Zooming in as far as she could, she recorded him as he talked to the jeweler even though she couldn’t make out what they were saying. She saw the beautiful diamond-encrusted necklace that the cashier put in the bag and handed to James.

“Where to next lover-boy?” Parker said out loud “What is that smell?” As she whiffed the tainted air she turned around to see Chelsea up and biting down on her teething ring.”Whew girl that’s that organic food your parents feed you.”

Parker allowed James to drive off without tailing him. “I have to take care of you first,” She said as she pulled out the pink elephant and giraffe covered diaper bag.

She pulled up to the West hotel fifteen mins later after changing them both. James and a dark-skinned woman she couldn’t make out were sitting in the hotel restaurant booth by the window. James then leaned over the table and started making out with the woman.

“I know you fucking lying,” Parker hissed through clinched teeth. Hopping out of the car, she pulled out the double stroller from her trunk, strapped the twins in, and stopped.

“What am I doing? Am I about to barge in there and destroy my sister’s marriage?” She looked back at the window and saw James kiss the woman again. “Yup, I’m about to bust his shit up,”

A lone tear fell down her cheek as she pushed the twins towards the hotel. “Please don’t grow up and hate your auntie for what I am about to do. Parker stormed into the restaurant, bypassed the hostess, and pushed the stroller straight up to James and his date. The woman put her head down immediately, trying to hide under a cheap wig.

Parker focused on James. “You two-timing, low down, dirty dick dog. How dare you cheat on my beautiful angel of a sister.” Parker screamed drawing the attention of everyone in the restaurant.

James mouth fell open. “Oh my God…”

Parker walked around the stroller and snatched the wig off of the woman’s head.

Sheila stood up and snatched the wig back from her younger sister. “What in the world are you doing here?”

Parker took a few steps back startled. Then her spine stiffened. “I’m here defending your damn honor. What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be out of town remember.”

The hostess came over to them accompanied by two very large waiters. James stepped around Parker and confronted the trio. “My apologies. This is all a big misunderstanding. My wife and I arranged this date to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary. My sister in law was unaware and assumed the worst. I will settle the bill, and go. He turned to the other patrons. “My apologies, good people, all is well.” He followed the hostess back to the front, while Sheila and Parker rolled the twins out in the lobby.

Parker turned to her sister, and cleared her throat. “I’m sorry Sheila. I really am. If I had any idea that this was some weird ass old people sex thing that y’all were doing I would be back in the house with the twins watching Baby Shark.

Sheila laughed and tried to adjust her horrible wig. “I’m sorry too. I should have told you the truth about our anniversary plans, but it seemed more fun to sneak around.” She hugged Parker tightly. “You had my back, huh, detective Parker.”

“Damn straight,” Parker said fiercely returning her sister’s embrace.

---