Storytelling Saturday: Divorce

The alarm buzzed at 6 a.m.

Time to get myself and the girls ready, she thought, sighing heavily. It was hard having responsibilities while enduring a broken heart.

She stood before the mirror, squeezing toothpaste on her electric toothbrush. Lifting her eyes and the toothbrush to her lips, she froze. Her eyes were so swollen she might as well have been punched blind. Her daughters couldn’t see her like this. There were only very slight openings between the two lids through which she could see. She showered and reached for a pair of dark glasses.

“Tess,” her mother-in-law greeted as they met in the hall, “it’s twenty minutes after six. It would be better if you got up earlier so the girls won’t be late for school.”

Tess sighed quietly. She lived in her mother-in-law’s house together with her husband and two daughters until her husband moved to a different state for work, where he started cheating on her. Her mother-in-law Helen had known. After they learned of Connor’s mistresses, Helen tried her best to be supportive. Tess understood that, but hearing it would be better to do it this way every minute of every day was driving her up the wall. Somehow, Helen thought running Tess’s life was the best thing for her. She didn’t need her life ran. What she needed was to run the hell away from the mess she had made of her life.

When she got to the kitchen, Alyssa and Beth were already eating. She inhaled deeply, for the second time that morning, to calm the anger threatening to break through its pressured restraints.

“Mommy, look! My goldfish is swimming,” Beth shrieked gladly.

Who even gives a kid goldfish and milk for breakfast? she thought.

“Beth, honey, put that away. You can have it later.” Tess reached for a box of oats.

“It’s all she would eat,” Alyssa said. “Gran made us bacon and eggs, but she wouldn’t have it.”

Tess’s shoulders sagged, and she rubbed her brow.

“Why are you wearing shades? The sun isn’t even out yet.”

“Alyssa, lets…just…not, okay? Please. You can drill me later. Finish up and get your bags. I’ll be in the car.”

“Do have some breakfast, Tessanya,” Helen argued as she came into the room. “You’re becoming skin and bone. Just wait, I’ll dish you a plate.”

She was an intolerable pain, and still, at the same time, incredibly kind. Tess wished she could have hated her…or loved her…she just wished her heart would pick a feeling; it didn’t matter which one. In every aspect of her life, she was in between feelings. She was surrounded by uncertainty. She was uncertain whether to accept or hate her mother-in-law, which made her uncertain about staying or moving out. She was uncertain if she should tell her kids their father wasn’t coming home. She was uncertain whether she should give him a divorce. Her lips quivered, and she pursed them tightly, blinking back tears as Helen neared the car.

“I put it in a cover dish so you can take it with you. I know you probably don’t want anything to eat now. You never could eat this early.”

Tess looked at the woman; she couldn’t eat since her world collapsed.

“Thank you, see you later.” Tess croaked, trying to get rid of the woman, but she stopped the rising glass with her hand.

“You never let me in, Tess. Maybe it would be good if you did so now. Don’t isolate yourself. You need someone.”

The words were like a drill to Tess’s heart. She did need someone, her husband. It was impossible how oblivious people were to the things they said in trying to be of comfort. No one else could make it hurt less. No one could except for the person who caused the hurt in the first place. Tess nodded; her eyes fixed on the windshield. All she wanted was for the girls to get in the car so she could drive far away from there.

“I’m inviting a few people over this evening, a few from your firm, some family.”

Tess’s stiff neck spun to look at Helen.

“Just a small gathering to keep you social.”

“Girls!” She bellowed, impatience lining her voice.

A small gathering was the last thing she needed. The girls hurried out at their mother’s abrupt cry.

“Bye, Grandma,” the girls said in unison.

“See you later,” Tess muttered.

“Bye, sweet girls, have a good day. You, too, Tess.”

Tess made a forced sound as she smiled. She switched the engine on and drove off faster than she normally would. Driving automatically, Tess’s thoughts swirled around chaotically in her head. She couldn’t breathe. She needed to cry, she needed to scream. She stopped at a bistro.

“I’ll be right back, girls. I really need to pee.”

She hurried to the restroom, shut the door, and screamed until the tightness in her chest was free. Convulsing, she sank to the floor, sobbing. A knock sounded at the door. Quickly, she drew a ply of toilet paper and dabbed her face.

“I’m sorry, it’s okay,” she said, her face angled downward as she opened the door. “I’m okay.”

The waiter watched her as she pushed past him, concern masking his eyes. She jumped back into the car.

“Sanitizer,” Alyssa said.

“What?”

“You always use sanitizer after stopping at a public restroom.”

“Oh, right,” she answered, trying to smile.

“Mom, I know you’ve been…” Alyssa looked back at her little sister. “I know what’s going on.”

Tess looked from Alyssa to the road. She knew she wouldn’t be able to keep it from her for long. She was thirteen. Of course, she knew what was going on.

“Nothing’s going on.”

Alyssa ignored this. “Why don’t you just leave if it’s so hard for you?” She waited for her mother’s response. “Sign the papers,” she continued.

“Stop it! Stop worrying about me,” Tess whispered. “What’s going on is not for you to be concerning yourself with.”

“You’re my mother.”

“Right. I’m the mom. Let me worry about the mom stuff. If you want to help, learn how to cook so your grandma can’t make me feel so worthless all the time.”

“Gran is just trying to help.”

“Everyone is trying to help. I don’t want anyone’s help!” Tess exploded.

Alyssa recoiled. “Don’t shout,” she enforced.

Tess closed her eyes briefly and shook her head. “I know, I’m sorry.” She touched her daughter’s head.

“Just leave. All those houses you’re selling, buy one yourself and just leave, please, Mom. Gran was right. You are losing weight, and you’re angry, and I’m scared. I’ve seen all the pills you take. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Her voice shook, and she turned her face toward the window.

Tess looked in the mirror to find Beth crying silently in the backseat. Alyssa was right. There was no point holding on. It was over. It had been over a long time. She’d sign the papers, and she’d move out. Today. She’d make a clean break, a fresh start, for her girls and herself.

She dropped the girls off at school and stayed until they got in then drove to work. Instead of seeing her clients, Tess went house hunting herself. She’d seen a cute cottage-like house in the listings and decided to drive up there and see the place. An aging couple owned the home, and they were ready to leave and move into their dream retirement home. They expressed their love for the house and the fond memories they had of their children running around the land.

“It’s beautiful in the summer,” the old woman told Tess.

“And the lake just on the other side of those trees is great for ice skating in the winter, if you like that sort of thing.”

She didn’t, but it was perfect for Alyssa. Figure skating was her dream, instilled in her by her father. Tess broke down. The old couple consoled her.

“There, there,” the woman said, looking up at her husband sadly. He patted Tess’s hand as he met his wife’s eye.

Tess bought the house in cash at the end of the tour and was happy to hear she could move in immediately as the old couple got their things together to leave the following day.

“Leave all your worries at your old house,” the old man said gravely to Tess. “There’s no place for them here.”

“Oh, smile, dear,” his wife said to Tess. “We’ve filled this house with love and light and joy. It’s just enough to fuel you with the hope you need to move on. It’s your new beginning. Yours and ours.” The two beamed.

Later that evening, Tess picked her daughters up from school. When she got to Helen’s, everyone was there.

“There she is,” Helen welcomed warmly. “I hope this will help you cope.”

“No, but I’ll accept it as my sending-off party,” Tess replied. “Unfortunately, I can’t stay. I have to go pack. We’re leaving tomorrow. Thank you for accommodating me and for being a wonderful grandmother to my children, but I’m stifled here. I hope I have your full support in standing on my own feet. And one last thing in the name of support, mail that to your son for me.”

Helen stood wide-eyed as Tess stomped up the stairs to begin packing. When she returned after some time, everyone was gone, and the girls were hugging their grandmother.

“I’m sorry to see you go, Tess, but you do, without question, have my support. You’re my daughter.”

Tess smiled. “Come visit, anytime,” she said, hugging her mother-in-law.

“How about I come down tomorrow?” Helen exclaimed.

“Moving day?” Tess said, holding in a laugh. “Too soon.” Turning to her girls, Tess smiled. “Let’s pack.”

The girls, smiling brightly, followed their mother upstairs.

For the first time in months, Tess looked forward to tomorrow. She and her girls would drive happily out of the city, away to a new home and a new life.

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