Storytelling Saturdays: THE TWELVE DAYS OF PETTY
4 min read
It all started because Tonya put up her Christmas decorations on November 1st.
Not December. Not even Thanksgiving week.
November. First.
She was out there at 8:03 in the morning, still in pajama pants and a bonnet, stringing lights around her porch while humming along to a holiday playlist.
Next door, Dre stepped out with a trash bag in his hand. He froze like he had just seen a natural disaster forming in real time.
“Tonya, it is not even close to the season.”
Tonya did not look down from the ladder. “Good morning to you too. Joy arrives when I say it does.”
“That isn’t joy,” Dre said. “That is seasonal aggression.”
She flicked the switch.
A wall of LED lights lit up her house until it looked like it was attempting to communicate with satellites.
Dre shielded his eyes. “You trying to summon Santa or the sun?”
Tonya grinned. “Both. I’m going to win this year’s Festive Battle for Bragging Rights.”
He stomped back inside without another word.
DAY 2: THE RETALIATION
The next morning, Tonya opened her door and screamed.
Her entire porch had been covered in fake snow. Not the cute kind. The chaotic shredded paper kind that stuck to every surface like static cling.
A sign stuck in her planter read:
“Since you rushed the season, I thought you needed this, you won’t win the Festive Battle, but it should help.”
Tonya stormed into Dre’s yard and kicked over his inflatable reindeer.
He burst out laughing from his window.
“You know you overreacting, right?”
“Mind your business,” she snapped.
“You are my business. Your house is glowing directly into my living room.”
DAY 3: THE ESCALATION
Tonya came home from work and nearly passed out.
A twelve foot gingerbread man had been planted on her lawn. It had a giant smile and a stare so intense it looked like it was tracking her soul.
Dre strolled over casually. “He followed me home.”
“Dre, get this bakery creature off my property.”
“He likes you,” Dre said.
“He is haunting me.”
They ended up shoving the gingerbread man back and forth between the two lawns like a grim holiday seesaw before Tonya finally gave up and dragged it down her driveway by its giant frosting arm.
DAY 4: THE HOA INTERFERES
An HOA representative knocked on Tonya’s door.
Tonya folded her arms. “What is the issue now?”
The rep sighed. “There have been reports of escalating decor conflict.”
Dre leaned across his porch rail. “I am the innocent party.”
Tonya pointed at him. “He covered my entire porch in fake snow.”
“It was festive,” Dre said.
“It was a fire hazard.”
The rep massaged her temples. “Please try to keep your decorations tasteful.”
They both lied at the same time.
“Of course.”
DAY 5: THE DISASTER
Tonya decided she needed to win. Winning required height. Height required a twenty foot Christmas tree on her roof.
The problem was simple. She had not measured anything. At all.
She dragged the tree up a ladder, tied one end to a chimney brick, took one step back, and watched in horror as the tree tipped forward.
It swung like a giant battering ram and crashed against Dre’s siding.
Dre exploded out of his door.
“Tonya, what did you do?”
“It slipped.”
“You really dragged a whole tree up there. Why would you do that?”
Tonya pressed her palm to her forehead. “I can fix this.”
“You cannot fix a tree, Tonya.”
THE MOMENT EVERYTHING SHIFTED
Tonya tried to climb back onto the roof to salvage her pride, but her foot slid on the ladder.
Her balance wobbled. She tilted sideways.
She would have fallen directly into the bushes if Dre had not sprinted toward the house, climbed the ladder in three seconds, and grabbed her by the waist.
She froze. He froze. They were both breathing hard as the lights blinked softly around them.
“You good?” he asked, voice gentler than she had ever heard it.
Tonya nodded slowly. “Yeah. Thank you.”
He steadied her and followed her up the ladder while she finished her climb and they sat on the roof edge
“You know,” he said, “you did not have to start a war with decorations.”
“You started it with that fake snow.”
Dre smiled. “You slipped in it so cute.”
Tonya narrowed her eyes. “Are you flirting or picking another fight?”
“A little of both.”
She laughed, and he looked at her like this was the first time he had really seen her.
THE TRUCE
The next evening, the block was silent as Tonya and Dre worked side by side. When they finished, both houses glowed with matching white lights, garland wrapped neatly down the railings, and a single oversized wreath hung in the center where their porches met.
Tonya handed Dre a mug of cocoa. “So what now? Peace?”
He bumped her shoulder lightly. “Peace until New Year.”
She smirked. “Fine. After that, I am taking you down.”
He grinned. “I will be ready.”
